Breaking Out of the Box

It's breaking out of boxes season!

This is the time of year where the labels, restrictions and limitations start to feel tight and uncomfortable. And that’s a good thing, because you will naturally outgrow any box you put yourself into. 

The entire point of life is to expand, to grow, to learn new things and (as a necessary consequence) disregard old beliefs that no longer fit.

Recently, I realized that I had put myself into a box that wasn’t working anymore. It was a box that had served me wonderfully in the beginning. In fact, it was a box that initially inspired me. But over time, my enthusiasm had waned. 

Instead of feeling excited by the possibilities of this box or compelled to stretch and grow to fill the box, I started to feel constrained by it. Kind of like when Alice sips from that bottle which says, “drink me”, and immediately inflates and outgrows the house, ending up with her legs sticking through the windows.

I felt suffocated and itchy and frustrated (very much like Alice, to be honest).

And yet, I resisted the truth of what I was feeling in the present moment, because the memory of the box was so positive. It was something that really used to work and feel wonderful! 

"You don’t have to force things in the present just because they felt right in the past".

For a long time, I felt I had to hold on to this box, even though it started to dawn on me that it was also destroying my soul and impeding on my creative flow.

On the one hand, we need to be mindful that we are not sabotaging things in our life as they start to get good. (I am so guilty of this). On the other, we need to listen to what our hearts are crying out for. It’s a delicate balance, and it requires nuance and finely-honed attention (both of which are in short supply in today’s world).

Because the truth is, sometimes we want to walk away: from a project, a relationship, a living situation, a business - because it is inviting us to grow in a way that makes us feel uncomfortable. When you suspect that this might be the case, a good question to ask yourself is: 

“If I see this through, who might I be on the other side?”

It might be that staying in the gritty discomfort of it will expand your empathy, your strength, your sense of purpose, your connection to others, and bust you out of your bubble. If that’s your hypothesis, then stay the course, because growth is always a good thing.

But if you’ve asked yourself this question and the answers are negative or lackluster at best, or if staying the course will add something to your life that you don’t really value that much, then you know your answer.

Anything that feels like a relief is the right choice. And yes, there might also be other emotions in the mix: anxiety, uncertainty, and fear are common ones — but if relief is the predominant feeling, then you’re on the right track.

So, I circled around this box, trying to decide what to do with it, and recently I have made the decision to let it go. It’s not the easiest thing to do, but it is the right thing to do. It’s also the risky thing to do. But what would life be without a little risk, huh?!

Personally, it has been really valuable to remind myself that the magic isn’t in the box, but it’s within me. To remember that no matter what I do next, I will always infuse it with my unique magic because nothing can take that away from me. Maybe that idea is helpful for you too!

Are you feeling like it might be time to break out of some boxes in your own life? Here are some questions you can ask yourself to get. 

• -Where am I feeling tight and restricted within my own life?

• -Are there are places where I feel resentment with regard to people, projects, agreements?

• -Are there projects/events/things I am procrastinating on that also fill me with dread?

• -Where do I feel constrained or restricted?

• -Do I have any ideas that don’t seem to have a place or space to be expressed?

• -Do I feel that I have to choose between two things and that it is impossible to have both?

What else can I say? I believe that we should pursue our sense of freedom at all costs. I believe it is only when we feel free that we are able to self-actualize and evolve to become the person we always dreamed about being. And I believe that if you are feeling constricted, it’s your duty as an ever-expanding soul to throw off the shackles and dare to step out on a new adventure. 

Travel the World on a Budget

 

How to Travel the World on a Budget: 7 Tips and Tricks

Traveling the world is a dream for many people, but it can also be a costly and daunting endeavor. However, with some planning, creativity, and flexibility, you can make your travel dreams come true without breaking the bank. Here are seven tips and tricks on how to travel the world on a budget:

1. Choose Your Destination Wisely

One of the most important factors that affect your travel budget is your destination. Some countries are more expensive than others, depending on the cost of living, the exchange rate, and the demand for tourism. Therefore, you should do some research and compare different destinations before you book your trip.

You can use online tools such as Numbeo or The Earth Awaits to find out the average cost of living in different countries. You can also use online tools such as Skyscanner or Google Flights to find the cheapest flights to different destinations. You can also look for destinations that offer free or discounted attractions, such as museums, parks, or festivals.

Some of the cheapest destinations to travel to in 2023 are Vietnam, Thailand, India, Turkey, and Morocco. These countries offer rich culture, stunning scenery, delicious food, and friendly people for a fraction of the cost of other popular destinations.

2. Travel Off-Season

Another way to save money on your travel is to travel off-season. This means avoiding the peak times when most tourists visit a destination, such as summer, holidays, or festivals. Traveling off-season can help you save money on flights, accommodation, transportation, and attractions.

Traveling off-season can also help you avoid crowds, queues, and scams. You can also enjoy a more authentic and local experience of the destination. However, traveling off-season also has some drawbacks, such as unfavorable weather, limited availability, or reduced services. Therefore, you should weigh the pros and cons of traveling off-season before you decide.

You can use online tools such as Tripadvisor or Lonely Planet to find out the best time to visit different destinations. You can also use online tools such as Weather.com or AccuWeather to check the weather forecast for different destinations.

3. Stay in Alternative Accommodation

One of the biggest expenses of traveling is accommodation. Hotels can be very expensive, especially in popular or urban areas. However, there are many alternative options for accommodation that can help you save money and have a more unique and memorable stay.

Some of the alternative options for accommodation are:

●     **Hostels**: These are shared dormitories that offer basic facilities and amenities for a low price. Hostels are great for meeting other travelers and socializing. You can use online tools such as Hostelworld or Hostelbookers to find and book hostels around the world.

●     **Airbnb**: This is an online platform that connects travelers with local hosts who offer their homes or rooms for rent. Airbnb can offer more privacy, comfort, and convenience than hotels or hostels. You can also find some quirky and charming places to stay on Airbnb. You can use online tools such as Airbnb or VRBO to find and book Airbnb rentals around the world.

●     **Couchsurfing**: This is an online community that connects travelers with local hosts who offer their couches or spare beds for free. Couchsurfing can offer a more authentic and cultural experience than hotels or hostels. You can also make some new friends and learn from your hosts. You can use online tools such as Couchsurfing or BeWelcome to find and contact couchsurfing hosts around the world.

●     **Camping**: This is an outdoor activity that involves sleeping in a tent or a camper van. Camping can offer more freedom, adventure, and connection with nature than hotels or hostels. You can also save money on accommodation fees by camping in free or cheap sites. You can use online tools such as Campendium or Hipcamp to find and book camping sites around the world.

4. Cook Your Own Meals

Another big expense of traveling is food. Eating out at restaurants or cafes can be very expensive, especially in touristy areas. However, you can save money and have a more healthy and satisfying meal by cooking your own food.

You can buy groceries at local markets or supermarkets and prepare your own meals at your accommodation. You can also buy street food or snacks from local vendors and enjoy them at a park or a picnic spot. You can also try some local delicacies or specialties that are cheap and delicious.

You can use online tools such as Budget Bytes or Backpacker Recipes to find some easy and cheap recipes to cook while traveling. You can also use online tools such as Yelp or Zomato to find some cheap and good places to eat while traveling.

5. Use Public Transportation

Another way to save money on your travel is to use public transportation. Public transportation can be cheaper, faster, and more convenient than taxis or rental cars. Public transportation can also help you avoid traffic jams, parking fees, or tolls. You can also enjoy the scenery, the culture, and the people while traveling by public transportation.

You can use online tools such as Rome2rio or Moovit to find the best routes and modes of public transportation for your destination. You can also use online tools such as Google Maps or Citymapper to navigate and plan your trips by public transportation.

Some of the best public transportation systems in the world are in Japan, Singapore, Germany, Switzerland, and France. These countries offer efficient, reliable, and affordable public transportation options such as trains, buses, subways, trams, or bikes.

6. Travel with a Group

Another tip to travel the world on a budget is to travel with a group. Traveling with a group can help you save money on flights, accommodation, transportation, and attractions. You can also have more fun, safety, and support while traveling with a group.

You can travel with a group of friends or family members who share your interests and goals. You can also join a group of strangers who have similar travel plans and preferences. You can use online tools such as Meetup or Travello to find and join travel groups around the world.

You can also join a group tour that offers a package deal for your destination. You can use online tools such as TourRadar or Intrepid Travel to find and book group tours around the world.

7. Be Flexible and Creative

The last but not the least tip to travel the world on a budget is to be flexible and creative. Being flexible and creative can help you find more opportunities, deals, and experiences while traveling. You can also have more fun, adventure, and surprises while traveling.

You can be flexible and creative by:

●     **Being open-minded**: Don't be afraid to try new things, meet new people, or visit new places. You might discover something amazing that you didn't expect.

●     **Being spontaneous**: Don't be afraid to change your plans, take a detour, or go with the flow. You might find something better than what you planned.

●     **Being resourceful**: Don't be afraid to use your skills, knowledge, or connections to find solutions, opportunities, or bargains. You might save some money or time that you didn't anticipate.

Signs it may be time to leave a relationship

 Everyone and their brother have written articles about narcissists, and everyone has their differing opinions. So, I typically try to steer away from this topic. However, here it seems to be rearing its ugly head begging me to write about it, if only for one article.

All relationships have their weaknesses and none of them are without occasional conflict. In any "normal" relationship there will be fights from time to time. Things will be said and hashed out. 

For the most part though, normal relationships help you feel emotionally safe and secure in yourself as an individual. This is NOT the case in relationships with toxic individuals such as narcissists. Even when you know the relationship is bad for you, it feels impossible to leave because of the trauma bonds and cognitive dissonance that forms over time.

When a relationship is not right for us, we start getting small signs...like something just not feeling "right', weird vibes, or an awkward moment where you see that person's presence is completely out of alignment with who you are deep down.

Maybe that person is unusually cruel to a server in a restaurant, or you catch them in a lie and they have a somewhat reasonable explanation for it, or maybe you discover they are still talking to an ex. 

These events make you uncomfortable, but you brush them under the rug, because "hey everybody has their flaws, right?" Believe me, I've been there, Many times. 

Then before you know it you discover your spouse/partner has been cheating for months or years. Maybe has a whole life you never knew about. The universe sends us small signs like pebbles to get us to take notice. But after a while the universe has no choice but to start throwing bricks and boulders at us because we ignored all of the small signs.

Signs it's time to leave:

-You constantly obsess about your partner and feel insecure about yourself 

Do you obsess for hours about what you've done wrong and what caused your relationship to dive down the vortex of despair? Are you unable to function at work or as a parent because you're immobilized by fear of what your partner is up to? Do you constantly feel the knot of abandonment and fear in your stomach terrified that your relationship is on thin ice?

If you feel worthless, depressed, crazy, suspicious, are unable to function in your daily life it's an indicator that you have narcissistic abuse syndrome, and this is hands down the primary reason you should leave a relationship.

- You've been encouraged to detach from family and friends

A possessive person tells you they care about your safety and that their possessive behavior proves they love you. Taken to the extreme possessiveness causes you to isolate yourself from friends and family members. The people you know and love. 

The goal of isolation is to control you by breaking down your emotional will to resist.

- You're the target of constant verbal abuse

Regular verbal attacks on your character and value destroy your self-esteem and may cause you to put aside your most important beliefs and ideals.

Verbal abuse is characterized by critical or humiliating remarks about you as a person. If your partner continually puts you down and makes you feel unworthy of self-respect this is a warning sign that something is definitely wrong.

I have been both physically and verbally abused and I would take the physical over the verbal any day. 

- You have to behave like a parent to your partner:

Being in a relationship with a narcissist often feels like you're raising a child.

 Sure, maybe they have a great job, perhaps even a decent bank account. Both of those make it even more confusing that you would have to teach them the basics of human decency.

Some targets of narcissistic abuse find it cute and endearing that they have to follow up on their partner and clean up their messes for them. "The poor thing just can't help it; they just can't handle adult responsibilities."  The narcissist would be lost without their doting partner by their side to wipe off the stage and be "the cleaner," 

Much like the crime scene cleaner in psychological thrillers, the narcissists partner has to go in behind them and make everything disappear...only to find themselves cleaning up another mess before they've had time to catch their bearings.

Adults should not be taking care of other adults as if they were children. This is the basic dynamic of denial and enabling. 

Again, I have been in every single one of these situations so none of this is judgement.

- You keep your relationship a secret from the people you love

This is probably one of the more telling signs that this relationship is very bad for you.

If you were in a relationship with someone who treated, you well and respected you then you would have nothing to hide. The people in your inner circle would be happy for you realizing you had a partner who was caring and compassionate and made you happy.

Keeping your relationship, a secret is a sign of a severe trauma bond. Normal relationships do not cause you to form trauma bonds and it is very important toto know the longer you stay the harder it will be to leave. 

Again, I know this from experience. I encourage you to speak to a therapist or join a community that is well informed on narcissism and relationships. 

Habits

 By becoming a life long learner you leverage on the compounding ability of knowledge. 

Reading challenges you to think differently and opens you up to new ideas. 

Growing in kindness also produces compound interest in terms of your relationships. 

Also, stress compounds. Little stressors may seem isolated at first but over time they compound into health issues. (Believe me I know) 😳 

Small changes appear insignificant until it reaches a tipping point or threshold. To get the results you seek, you need patience. 

According to James Clear, a daily improvement or retrogression of 1% will leave you 37x better or worse at the end of the year. 

I say 1% better daily is 365% better at the end of the year. 

Goals are transient- everyone wants results but problems often resurface with this type of mindset. Lasting change comes from the right processes and procedures. The excitement from achieving goals is often short lived. Also, people with a “goal’s first mentality” put off their happiness for a future time. With a “system’s first mentality” you enjoy every step that leads up to the goal. When you enjoy what you do, you’re more likely to repeat it. 

Old habits return when there is nothing to sustain you beyond the achievement of a goal. For example, if you set a goal of losing twenty pounds there are a number of ways you can achieve that goal. However, you may revert to old habits after hitting the twenty pound mark because you did not create an effective system that helps you with your weight management. 

Changing who you are is more important than focusing on what you want to achieve because it makes the change sustainable. 

Character change should be your focus, not achievement. Who you are is more important than what you do. 

When a habit becomes who you are rather than something you do you are more likely to retain that habit. 

Take some time to think about who you want to be. Then ask yourself what you must do to become that person. Behavior is often a response or an outward manifestation of identity. 

For example, if you want to be someone who works out and eats healthy everyday you identify with that and focus  on that and losing weight will come  

If you want to read 700 books in a year like Tony Robbins did, instead of focusing on that end goal, focus on that you want to become and identify yourself as a reader  then make sure you read a little everyday  

The most important value of habits is that they have the power to change what you believe about yourself. 

Emotions drive action. Even when there are logical reasons for doing something, it is emotion that compels you to act on it. 

Identify one habit you want to stop and one you want to apply and work on those.