How to actually enjoy Social Media 🎉

Even today, after having been online for 25 years, I still see the internet as I did when I first explored it. It’s the ultimate playground for freedom and flirting with your future self. Everything is available here-how fabulous!!! And as a result, with those infinite possibilities swimming around us, it all comes down to where we choose to focus. 

“Always remember ; in an infinity of worlds, anything is not only possible, it’s mandatory.” -Neil Gaiman 

Social media is simply a tool. It is neutral, like a fork or a toothbrush! But of course, in the wrong hands, a fork can be used to pluck out an eye. And in prison a toothbrush can become a shiv! (Oh My). It is up to us how we are going to decide to use this tool. Will we use it for our growth and evolution, or will we use it to hunt out stories that make us feel bad about humanity? Even Hamlet said “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” Good ol’ Willy Shakespeare knew his stuff. 

We can use social media to uplift or depress ourselves. We can see it as a joyful lane for self- expression , or we can get hung up on algorithms, trends, validations, and rules. We can view other people’s lives as an example of what is possible, or we can allow jealousy and comparison to crush us into dust. 

Many people are choosing the second option, and as a consequence, their lives are miserable. I believe that in life, it is not about what happens to you, it is about the meaning you ascribe to it. It is about the lens you view it through. Will you let the negative moments close you down in fear… or will they fuel you with the fire to keep going? 

I’ve been online so long that I now know that whatever happens on the internet is essentially inconsequential. What might seem like the most scandalous thing on your feed doesn’t matter one iota to the person walking past your house. People get cancelled and come back; scandals break and recede; someone’s the hot thing today and no one remembers them tomorrow. And I suppose having this knowledge is simply a function of getting older. I have developed an ability to Birds Eye view almost everything. 

But of course, I remember the days when I would read screeds of hateful comments directed at me that made me feel sick to my stomach. So why didn’t all that drama make me quit? Because I’m not in the practice of letting fear dictate my choices. Because imagine allowing a bunch of tragic anonymous nobodies to control your life? Couldn’t be me! 

Wherever you go and whatever you do in life you will be criticized for it by somebody. There will always be more critics than creators, because criticism is easy and creation causes you to run up against challenge time and time again. So if you’re called to create, if you feel you have something to share with the world, please create with joy knowing that the reception doesn’t matter anywhere near as much as the pure ecstasy of bringing an idea to life.

“You can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.” -Jim Carrey

My Rules for Social Media Sanity:

Online hatred is a real thing. And knowing that it will happen to you is important. Like it’s coming. When it does occur you just have to feel sorry for those people. Truly; they are sick. Wryly, in your mind, thank them for the free publicity, go for a walk and spend time with people who love you. Oh, and also: NEVER read the comments.

How to develop a thick skin:

Sadly, this only happens with time and experience; by which I mean, you haven’t lived until a thread of jealous, cranky, old bitches have spent hours dissecting every iota of your life. Once I got a death threat and I’m sure after she sent it she went back to compulsively masturbating and over feeding her cats. 

Internet Warriors are all cowards: 

This is a fact and relates to my death threat. For the amount of crappy comments I’ve received you’d think it would’ve happened to my face too. IT’S NEVER HAPPENED! 

Okay enough about haters, because yawn. What else would go into my survival guide? 

Don’t repeat your patterns from highschool online. What I mean by this is don’t try to impress the “cool girls/guys” of your industry. Don’t pretend to enjoy things you don’t care about. And certainly don’t get yourself into a pile of debt to flaunt your material possessions on Instagram. Being yourself is free, so flaunt it! 

People talk a lot about “personal brand” and really all that means is that you are who you are on the inside and what you share to the outside world are a match. It’s always unsettling when you meet someone who is flat and surly irl when their online persona is full of “🌈🦄😊🙏🏻.!” Truly, be yourself! 

Remember that the people you admire do not follow trends, they are trend-setters, and act accordingly. Resist the urge to copy others. Someone else’s formula works for them because they LOVE it. I swear it’s more about the ENERGY the strategy. 

The more you show up as your true weird self, the more like minded people you’ll attract. I don’t box myself in. I let my enthusiasm move me. Then I have a fabulous group of people that show up. Thank you to the internet for bringing us all together 😊

Live your real life. Don’t go places just because it will make a good photo. I really cringe when people need to document and film every single moment of their lives.You probably don’t need 3000 identical photos of you in every social setting. Just relax. Actually BE with people. Put your phone down!!! 

Keep some things sacred. I am learning more and more to not share about relationships in my life online after having gotten it wrong many times before. I am starting to not share much about my children either. People are weird. Why make it easier for them? If you DO feel tempted to share about these things ask yourself “what is the upside of this?”(validation and likes) and “what is the downside of this?” (Criticism, obsession, giving weirdos fuel to use later, etc) Honestly it’s just not worth it. You don’t owe anyone access to every piece of your life. 

All that glitters is not gold:

When you are scrolling, remind yourself you are looking at a hologram, and it isn’t real. You might observe influencers who get massive and think they are living the Life of Riley (whatever that means) but honestly good and lasting things take time. A lot of people have a big audience and a crappy life; a lot of people have a big audience and still have no way to generate a meaningful income. Huge amounts of followers and going viral isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. 

Really investigate your desire for fame or notoriety:

If you want to be big so that you can help or serve people that’s fabulous. But if you look inside and know that really it’s about trying to make yourself feel good, shore up the gaps in your ego, or prove yourself to the world then you’re in for a rough ride. 

Show up to help:

This is the easiest way to extract your ego from the whole gnarled mess. I really do understand the temptation to share a banging photo, trust me, but always do your best to come back to being of service. When you can refocus your efforts so that it’s not about you and instead it’s about who you can help, it keeps your mind clear and your purpose true.

Take breaks regularly:

Set time limits for apps on your phone ( I have 30 min a day for IG, Twitter, and Snapchat and some days I put it to 15 minutes). Keep your phone out of the bedroom entirely, take weekends off from social media, and taking a good week away is extremely helpful to reset your mind. Life goes on outside of a screen and you’re probably missing a lot of it! 

Don’t take it Personally: 

Your likes are not equal to your value as a person. Please read that again.

Use social media as an enormous and ever evolving vision board:

Follow people that inspire and uplift you! Post things that make you feel good or help you move towards the place you want to go. Unfollow or mute anyone that doesn’t spark joy; and remove any followers from your list that make you feel you have to dim your light or pretend to be someone other than who you really are. 

Only Post when you FEEL it : 

Again, I swear energy is everything. If you want your content to make people feel something then make your content from a place of feeling. 

Boundaries are hot: 

Gleefully block anyone who acts like an a$$hole in your general direction. This is your house, not the town square and you are under zero obligation to let everyone inside. 

And if it’s really not feeling good no matter how many tweaks you make… it’s okay to step away entirely:

Contrary to popular belief, your life will go on just fine if you don’t have Instagram. I promise.

 I hope this helps!!! 💖🌈😊