Breaking Out of the Box

It's breaking out of boxes season!

This is the time of year where the labels, restrictions and limitations start to feel tight and uncomfortable. And that’s a good thing, because you will naturally outgrow any box you put yourself into. 

The entire point of life is to expand, to grow, to learn new things and (as a necessary consequence) disregard old beliefs that no longer fit.

Recently, I realized that I had put myself into a box that wasn’t working anymore. It was a box that had served me wonderfully in the beginning. In fact, it was a box that initially inspired me. But over time, my enthusiasm had waned. 

Instead of feeling excited by the possibilities of this box or compelled to stretch and grow to fill the box, I started to feel constrained by it. Kind of like when Alice sips from that bottle which says, “drink me”, and immediately inflates and outgrows the house, ending up with her legs sticking through the windows.

I felt suffocated and itchy and frustrated (very much like Alice, to be honest).

And yet, I resisted the truth of what I was feeling in the present moment, because the memory of the box was so positive. It was something that really used to work and feel wonderful! 

"You don’t have to force things in the present just because they felt right in the past".

For a long time, I felt I had to hold on to this box, even though it started to dawn on me that it was also destroying my soul and impeding on my creative flow.

On the one hand, we need to be mindful that we are not sabotaging things in our life as they start to get good. (I am so guilty of this). On the other, we need to listen to what our hearts are crying out for. It’s a delicate balance, and it requires nuance and finely-honed attention (both of which are in short supply in today’s world).

Because the truth is, sometimes we want to walk away: from a project, a relationship, a living situation, a business - because it is inviting us to grow in a way that makes us feel uncomfortable. When you suspect that this might be the case, a good question to ask yourself is: 

“If I see this through, who might I be on the other side?”

It might be that staying in the gritty discomfort of it will expand your empathy, your strength, your sense of purpose, your connection to others, and bust you out of your bubble. If that’s your hypothesis, then stay the course, because growth is always a good thing.

But if you’ve asked yourself this question and the answers are negative or lackluster at best, or if staying the course will add something to your life that you don’t really value that much, then you know your answer.

Anything that feels like a relief is the right choice. And yes, there might also be other emotions in the mix: anxiety, uncertainty, and fear are common ones — but if relief is the predominant feeling, then you’re on the right track.

So, I circled around this box, trying to decide what to do with it, and recently I have made the decision to let it go. It’s not the easiest thing to do, but it is the right thing to do. It’s also the risky thing to do. But what would life be without a little risk, huh?!

Personally, it has been really valuable to remind myself that the magic isn’t in the box, but it’s within me. To remember that no matter what I do next, I will always infuse it with my unique magic because nothing can take that away from me. Maybe that idea is helpful for you too!

Are you feeling like it might be time to break out of some boxes in your own life? Here are some questions you can ask yourself to get. 

• -Where am I feeling tight and restricted within my own life?

• -Are there are places where I feel resentment with regard to people, projects, agreements?

• -Are there projects/events/things I am procrastinating on that also fill me with dread?

• -Where do I feel constrained or restricted?

• -Do I have any ideas that don’t seem to have a place or space to be expressed?

• -Do I feel that I have to choose between two things and that it is impossible to have both?

What else can I say? I believe that we should pursue our sense of freedom at all costs. I believe it is only when we feel free that we are able to self-actualize and evolve to become the person we always dreamed about being. And I believe that if you are feeling constricted, it’s your duty as an ever-expanding soul to throw off the shackles and dare to step out on a new adventure. 

Travel the World on a Budget

 

How to Travel the World on a Budget: 7 Tips and Tricks

Traveling the world is a dream for many people, but it can also be a costly and daunting endeavor. However, with some planning, creativity, and flexibility, you can make your travel dreams come true without breaking the bank. Here are seven tips and tricks on how to travel the world on a budget:

1. Choose Your Destination Wisely

One of the most important factors that affect your travel budget is your destination. Some countries are more expensive than others, depending on the cost of living, the exchange rate, and the demand for tourism. Therefore, you should do some research and compare different destinations before you book your trip.

You can use online tools such as Numbeo or The Earth Awaits to find out the average cost of living in different countries. You can also use online tools such as Skyscanner or Google Flights to find the cheapest flights to different destinations. You can also look for destinations that offer free or discounted attractions, such as museums, parks, or festivals.

Some of the cheapest destinations to travel to in 2023 are Vietnam, Thailand, India, Turkey, and Morocco. These countries offer rich culture, stunning scenery, delicious food, and friendly people for a fraction of the cost of other popular destinations.

2. Travel Off-Season

Another way to save money on your travel is to travel off-season. This means avoiding the peak times when most tourists visit a destination, such as summer, holidays, or festivals. Traveling off-season can help you save money on flights, accommodation, transportation, and attractions.

Traveling off-season can also help you avoid crowds, queues, and scams. You can also enjoy a more authentic and local experience of the destination. However, traveling off-season also has some drawbacks, such as unfavorable weather, limited availability, or reduced services. Therefore, you should weigh the pros and cons of traveling off-season before you decide.

You can use online tools such as Tripadvisor or Lonely Planet to find out the best time to visit different destinations. You can also use online tools such as Weather.com or AccuWeather to check the weather forecast for different destinations.

3. Stay in Alternative Accommodation

One of the biggest expenses of traveling is accommodation. Hotels can be very expensive, especially in popular or urban areas. However, there are many alternative options for accommodation that can help you save money and have a more unique and memorable stay.

Some of the alternative options for accommodation are:

●     **Hostels**: These are shared dormitories that offer basic facilities and amenities for a low price. Hostels are great for meeting other travelers and socializing. You can use online tools such as Hostelworld or Hostelbookers to find and book hostels around the world.

●     **Airbnb**: This is an online platform that connects travelers with local hosts who offer their homes or rooms for rent. Airbnb can offer more privacy, comfort, and convenience than hotels or hostels. You can also find some quirky and charming places to stay on Airbnb. You can use online tools such as Airbnb or VRBO to find and book Airbnb rentals around the world.

●     **Couchsurfing**: This is an online community that connects travelers with local hosts who offer their couches or spare beds for free. Couchsurfing can offer a more authentic and cultural experience than hotels or hostels. You can also make some new friends and learn from your hosts. You can use online tools such as Couchsurfing or BeWelcome to find and contact couchsurfing hosts around the world.

●     **Camping**: This is an outdoor activity that involves sleeping in a tent or a camper van. Camping can offer more freedom, adventure, and connection with nature than hotels or hostels. You can also save money on accommodation fees by camping in free or cheap sites. You can use online tools such as Campendium or Hipcamp to find and book camping sites around the world.

4. Cook Your Own Meals

Another big expense of traveling is food. Eating out at restaurants or cafes can be very expensive, especially in touristy areas. However, you can save money and have a more healthy and satisfying meal by cooking your own food.

You can buy groceries at local markets or supermarkets and prepare your own meals at your accommodation. You can also buy street food or snacks from local vendors and enjoy them at a park or a picnic spot. You can also try some local delicacies or specialties that are cheap and delicious.

You can use online tools such as Budget Bytes or Backpacker Recipes to find some easy and cheap recipes to cook while traveling. You can also use online tools such as Yelp or Zomato to find some cheap and good places to eat while traveling.

5. Use Public Transportation

Another way to save money on your travel is to use public transportation. Public transportation can be cheaper, faster, and more convenient than taxis or rental cars. Public transportation can also help you avoid traffic jams, parking fees, or tolls. You can also enjoy the scenery, the culture, and the people while traveling by public transportation.

You can use online tools such as Rome2rio or Moovit to find the best routes and modes of public transportation for your destination. You can also use online tools such as Google Maps or Citymapper to navigate and plan your trips by public transportation.

Some of the best public transportation systems in the world are in Japan, Singapore, Germany, Switzerland, and France. These countries offer efficient, reliable, and affordable public transportation options such as trains, buses, subways, trams, or bikes.

6. Travel with a Group

Another tip to travel the world on a budget is to travel with a group. Traveling with a group can help you save money on flights, accommodation, transportation, and attractions. You can also have more fun, safety, and support while traveling with a group.

You can travel with a group of friends or family members who share your interests and goals. You can also join a group of strangers who have similar travel plans and preferences. You can use online tools such as Meetup or Travello to find and join travel groups around the world.

You can also join a group tour that offers a package deal for your destination. You can use online tools such as TourRadar or Intrepid Travel to find and book group tours around the world.

7. Be Flexible and Creative

The last but not the least tip to travel the world on a budget is to be flexible and creative. Being flexible and creative can help you find more opportunities, deals, and experiences while traveling. You can also have more fun, adventure, and surprises while traveling.

You can be flexible and creative by:

●     **Being open-minded**: Don't be afraid to try new things, meet new people, or visit new places. You might discover something amazing that you didn't expect.

●     **Being spontaneous**: Don't be afraid to change your plans, take a detour, or go with the flow. You might find something better than what you planned.

●     **Being resourceful**: Don't be afraid to use your skills, knowledge, or connections to find solutions, opportunities, or bargains. You might save some money or time that you didn't anticipate.

Signs it may be time to leave a relationship

 Everyone and their brother have written articles about narcissists, and everyone has their differing opinions. So, I typically try to steer away from this topic. However, here it seems to be rearing its ugly head begging me to write about it, if only for one article.

All relationships have their weaknesses and none of them are without occasional conflict. In any "normal" relationship there will be fights from time to time. Things will be said and hashed out. 

For the most part though, normal relationships help you feel emotionally safe and secure in yourself as an individual. This is NOT the case in relationships with toxic individuals such as narcissists. Even when you know the relationship is bad for you, it feels impossible to leave because of the trauma bonds and cognitive dissonance that forms over time.

When a relationship is not right for us, we start getting small signs...like something just not feeling "right', weird vibes, or an awkward moment where you see that person's presence is completely out of alignment with who you are deep down.

Maybe that person is unusually cruel to a server in a restaurant, or you catch them in a lie and they have a somewhat reasonable explanation for it, or maybe you discover they are still talking to an ex. 

These events make you uncomfortable, but you brush them under the rug, because "hey everybody has their flaws, right?" Believe me, I've been there, Many times. 

Then before you know it you discover your spouse/partner has been cheating for months or years. Maybe has a whole life you never knew about. The universe sends us small signs like pebbles to get us to take notice. But after a while the universe has no choice but to start throwing bricks and boulders at us because we ignored all of the small signs.

Signs it's time to leave:

-You constantly obsess about your partner and feel insecure about yourself 

Do you obsess for hours about what you've done wrong and what caused your relationship to dive down the vortex of despair? Are you unable to function at work or as a parent because you're immobilized by fear of what your partner is up to? Do you constantly feel the knot of abandonment and fear in your stomach terrified that your relationship is on thin ice?

If you feel worthless, depressed, crazy, suspicious, are unable to function in your daily life it's an indicator that you have narcissistic abuse syndrome, and this is hands down the primary reason you should leave a relationship.

- You've been encouraged to detach from family and friends

A possessive person tells you they care about your safety and that their possessive behavior proves they love you. Taken to the extreme possessiveness causes you to isolate yourself from friends and family members. The people you know and love. 

The goal of isolation is to control you by breaking down your emotional will to resist.

- You're the target of constant verbal abuse

Regular verbal attacks on your character and value destroy your self-esteem and may cause you to put aside your most important beliefs and ideals.

Verbal abuse is characterized by critical or humiliating remarks about you as a person. If your partner continually puts you down and makes you feel unworthy of self-respect this is a warning sign that something is definitely wrong.

I have been both physically and verbally abused and I would take the physical over the verbal any day. 

- You have to behave like a parent to your partner:

Being in a relationship with a narcissist often feels like you're raising a child.

 Sure, maybe they have a great job, perhaps even a decent bank account. Both of those make it even more confusing that you would have to teach them the basics of human decency.

Some targets of narcissistic abuse find it cute and endearing that they have to follow up on their partner and clean up their messes for them. "The poor thing just can't help it; they just can't handle adult responsibilities."  The narcissist would be lost without their doting partner by their side to wipe off the stage and be "the cleaner," 

Much like the crime scene cleaner in psychological thrillers, the narcissists partner has to go in behind them and make everything disappear...only to find themselves cleaning up another mess before they've had time to catch their bearings.

Adults should not be taking care of other adults as if they were children. This is the basic dynamic of denial and enabling. 

Again, I have been in every single one of these situations so none of this is judgement.

- You keep your relationship a secret from the people you love

This is probably one of the more telling signs that this relationship is very bad for you.

If you were in a relationship with someone who treated, you well and respected you then you would have nothing to hide. The people in your inner circle would be happy for you realizing you had a partner who was caring and compassionate and made you happy.

Keeping your relationship, a secret is a sign of a severe trauma bond. Normal relationships do not cause you to form trauma bonds and it is very important toto know the longer you stay the harder it will be to leave. 

Again, I know this from experience. I encourage you to speak to a therapist or join a community that is well informed on narcissism and relationships. 

Habits

 By becoming a life long learner you leverage on the compounding ability of knowledge. 

Reading challenges you to think differently and opens you up to new ideas. 

Growing in kindness also produces compound interest in terms of your relationships. 

Also, stress compounds. Little stressors may seem isolated at first but over time they compound into health issues. (Believe me I know) 😳 

Small changes appear insignificant until it reaches a tipping point or threshold. To get the results you seek, you need patience. 

According to James Clear, a daily improvement or retrogression of 1% will leave you 37x better or worse at the end of the year. 

I say 1% better daily is 365% better at the end of the year. 

Goals are transient- everyone wants results but problems often resurface with this type of mindset. Lasting change comes from the right processes and procedures. The excitement from achieving goals is often short lived. Also, people with a “goal’s first mentality” put off their happiness for a future time. With a “system’s first mentality” you enjoy every step that leads up to the goal. When you enjoy what you do, you’re more likely to repeat it. 

Old habits return when there is nothing to sustain you beyond the achievement of a goal. For example, if you set a goal of losing twenty pounds there are a number of ways you can achieve that goal. However, you may revert to old habits after hitting the twenty pound mark because you did not create an effective system that helps you with your weight management. 

Changing who you are is more important than focusing on what you want to achieve because it makes the change sustainable. 

Character change should be your focus, not achievement. Who you are is more important than what you do. 

When a habit becomes who you are rather than something you do you are more likely to retain that habit. 

Take some time to think about who you want to be. Then ask yourself what you must do to become that person. Behavior is often a response or an outward manifestation of identity. 

For example, if you want to be someone who works out and eats healthy everyday you identify with that and focus  on that and losing weight will come  

If you want to read 700 books in a year like Tony Robbins did, instead of focusing on that end goal, focus on that you want to become and identify yourself as a reader  then make sure you read a little everyday  

The most important value of habits is that they have the power to change what you believe about yourself. 

Emotions drive action. Even when there are logical reasons for doing something, it is emotion that compels you to act on it. 

Identify one habit you want to stop and one you want to apply and work on those. 

Integrity

 Every choice you make speaks volumes about your priorities and true values. 

People of character usually possess a series of virtues or values. These are courage, compassion, generosity, temperance, persistence, friendliness, and many more. 

However, when determining the depth and strength of a person’s character, one essential thing that comes before all those is integrity. 

When your level of integrity is higher you are more honest with yourself and more likely to live consistently with all the other values you admire and respect. 

Becoming a person of character takes tremendous self discipline. It takes ample willpower to do the “right thing” in every situation. And to resist the temptation to cut corners, take the easy way out, or act for short term advantage. 

When you behave with character, doors will be opened for you. People will help you. You’ll get paid more and promoted faster. 

To develop character- study people you admire, hold yourself to a higher standard, write down your goals and develop a daily plan to achieve them. 

Writing is a psycho-neuro-motor activity. The act forces you to think and concentrate. It forces you to choose what is more important to you and your future. 

“Only 3% of adults have WRITTEN goals and plans. And this 3% earn more than all of the other 97% put together”- Brian Tracy 

Here are 7 steps you can take to move you into the direction of your goals via integrity:

1. Decide exactly what you want and be specific. If you want to increase your income don’t just say “I want to make more money.” Decide on a specific amount. I’ve found you need to be extremely specific with this. 

2. Write down your SPECIFIC goal.

3. Set a realistic deadline for your goal. 

4. Make a List of everything that you could possibly do to achieve your goal. Write down the obstacles and difficulties you will have to overcome. Then write the knowledge and skills you will need and the people who’s cooperation you’ll need to help achieve your goal. 

5. Organize your list by both sequence and priority. 

6. Take action immediately! Get going! 

7. Do something every day that moves you in the direction of your goal. 

When you make it a point to do something every day that moves you in the direction of your goal, you develop momentum. This momentum, this feeling of accomplishment inspires and energizes you! And through this and integrity it will become increasingly easy to take even more steps toward your goal. 😊 

How to actually enjoy Social Media 🎉

Even today, after having been online for 25 years, I still see the internet as I did when I first explored it. It’s the ultimate playground for freedom and flirting with your future self. Everything is available here-how fabulous!!! And as a result, with those infinite possibilities swimming around us, it all comes down to where we choose to focus. 

“Always remember ; in an infinity of worlds, anything is not only possible, it’s mandatory.” -Neil Gaiman 

Social media is simply a tool. It is neutral, like a fork or a toothbrush! But of course, in the wrong hands, a fork can be used to pluck out an eye. And in prison a toothbrush can become a shiv! (Oh My). It is up to us how we are going to decide to use this tool. Will we use it for our growth and evolution, or will we use it to hunt out stories that make us feel bad about humanity? Even Hamlet said “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” Good ol’ Willy Shakespeare knew his stuff. 

We can use social media to uplift or depress ourselves. We can see it as a joyful lane for self- expression , or we can get hung up on algorithms, trends, validations, and rules. We can view other people’s lives as an example of what is possible, or we can allow jealousy and comparison to crush us into dust. 

Many people are choosing the second option, and as a consequence, their lives are miserable. I believe that in life, it is not about what happens to you, it is about the meaning you ascribe to it. It is about the lens you view it through. Will you let the negative moments close you down in fear… or will they fuel you with the fire to keep going? 

I’ve been online so long that I now know that whatever happens on the internet is essentially inconsequential. What might seem like the most scandalous thing on your feed doesn’t matter one iota to the person walking past your house. People get cancelled and come back; scandals break and recede; someone’s the hot thing today and no one remembers them tomorrow. And I suppose having this knowledge is simply a function of getting older. I have developed an ability to Birds Eye view almost everything. 

But of course, I remember the days when I would read screeds of hateful comments directed at me that made me feel sick to my stomach. So why didn’t all that drama make me quit? Because I’m not in the practice of letting fear dictate my choices. Because imagine allowing a bunch of tragic anonymous nobodies to control your life? Couldn’t be me! 

Wherever you go and whatever you do in life you will be criticized for it by somebody. There will always be more critics than creators, because criticism is easy and creation causes you to run up against challenge time and time again. So if you’re called to create, if you feel you have something to share with the world, please create with joy knowing that the reception doesn’t matter anywhere near as much as the pure ecstasy of bringing an idea to life.

“You can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.” -Jim Carrey

My Rules for Social Media Sanity:

Online hatred is a real thing. And knowing that it will happen to you is important. Like it’s coming. When it does occur you just have to feel sorry for those people. Truly; they are sick. Wryly, in your mind, thank them for the free publicity, go for a walk and spend time with people who love you. Oh, and also: NEVER read the comments.

How to develop a thick skin:

Sadly, this only happens with time and experience; by which I mean, you haven’t lived until a thread of jealous, cranky, old bitches have spent hours dissecting every iota of your life. Once I got a death threat and I’m sure after she sent it she went back to compulsively masturbating and over feeding her cats. 

Internet Warriors are all cowards: 

This is a fact and relates to my death threat. For the amount of crappy comments I’ve received you’d think it would’ve happened to my face too. IT’S NEVER HAPPENED! 

Okay enough about haters, because yawn. What else would go into my survival guide? 

Don’t repeat your patterns from highschool online. What I mean by this is don’t try to impress the “cool girls/guys” of your industry. Don’t pretend to enjoy things you don’t care about. And certainly don’t get yourself into a pile of debt to flaunt your material possessions on Instagram. Being yourself is free, so flaunt it! 

People talk a lot about “personal brand” and really all that means is that you are who you are on the inside and what you share to the outside world are a match. It’s always unsettling when you meet someone who is flat and surly irl when their online persona is full of “🌈🦄😊🙏🏻.!” Truly, be yourself! 

Remember that the people you admire do not follow trends, they are trend-setters, and act accordingly. Resist the urge to copy others. Someone else’s formula works for them because they LOVE it. I swear it’s more about the ENERGY the strategy. 

The more you show up as your true weird self, the more like minded people you’ll attract. I don’t box myself in. I let my enthusiasm move me. Then I have a fabulous group of people that show up. Thank you to the internet for bringing us all together 😊

Live your real life. Don’t go places just because it will make a good photo. I really cringe when people need to document and film every single moment of their lives.You probably don’t need 3000 identical photos of you in every social setting. Just relax. Actually BE with people. Put your phone down!!! 

Keep some things sacred. I am learning more and more to not share about relationships in my life online after having gotten it wrong many times before. I am starting to not share much about my children either. People are weird. Why make it easier for them? If you DO feel tempted to share about these things ask yourself “what is the upside of this?”(validation and likes) and “what is the downside of this?” (Criticism, obsession, giving weirdos fuel to use later, etc) Honestly it’s just not worth it. You don’t owe anyone access to every piece of your life. 

All that glitters is not gold:

When you are scrolling, remind yourself you are looking at a hologram, and it isn’t real. You might observe influencers who get massive and think they are living the Life of Riley (whatever that means) but honestly good and lasting things take time. A lot of people have a big audience and a crappy life; a lot of people have a big audience and still have no way to generate a meaningful income. Huge amounts of followers and going viral isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. 

Really investigate your desire for fame or notoriety:

If you want to be big so that you can help or serve people that’s fabulous. But if you look inside and know that really it’s about trying to make yourself feel good, shore up the gaps in your ego, or prove yourself to the world then you’re in for a rough ride. 

Show up to help:

This is the easiest way to extract your ego from the whole gnarled mess. I really do understand the temptation to share a banging photo, trust me, but always do your best to come back to being of service. When you can refocus your efforts so that it’s not about you and instead it’s about who you can help, it keeps your mind clear and your purpose true.

Take breaks regularly:

Set time limits for apps on your phone ( I have 30 min a day for IG, Twitter, and Snapchat and some days I put it to 15 minutes). Keep your phone out of the bedroom entirely, take weekends off from social media, and taking a good week away is extremely helpful to reset your mind. Life goes on outside of a screen and you’re probably missing a lot of it! 

Don’t take it Personally: 

Your likes are not equal to your value as a person. Please read that again.

Use social media as an enormous and ever evolving vision board:

Follow people that inspire and uplift you! Post things that make you feel good or help you move towards the place you want to go. Unfollow or mute anyone that doesn’t spark joy; and remove any followers from your list that make you feel you have to dim your light or pretend to be someone other than who you really are. 

Only Post when you FEEL it : 

Again, I swear energy is everything. If you want your content to make people feel something then make your content from a place of feeling. 

Boundaries are hot: 

Gleefully block anyone who acts like an a$$hole in your general direction. This is your house, not the town square and you are under zero obligation to let everyone inside. 

And if it’s really not feeling good no matter how many tweaks you make… it’s okay to step away entirely:

Contrary to popular belief, your life will go on just fine if you don’t have Instagram. I promise.

 I hope this helps!!! 💖🌈😊

Break-up Survival Guide 💔

 I feel like I have a little authority to write on this because I just went through one not too long ago. So hopefully this can also help someone else. 

Mourn, grieve, cry, scream! Shake it off, Smash a plate, write obscenities on His/Her Facebook wall (kidding). Go for a drive and cry with mascara streaming down your face (or just tears). 

AND THEN

Remember you are gloriously free 

Yet never alone 

Always being kissed by the Universe

And the best is yet to come!!! 

Break-up survival Guide is in 2 Parts/Phases. 

1. Mourning the Relationship. 

Teetering on the edge of a breakup soaks up a lot of energy. It consumes your mind and everything inside it. So sometimes it can come as a surprise when it’s finally done , even though it’s gut wrenching, it also feels like a relief. Suddenly all the “are we going to break up, stay together” vanishes. There is a lot more spaciousness. You may feel guilty for experiencing relief. But this too shall pass. 

In this space other feelings will arise. You will be processing letting go of the joint dreams/visions you had, and coming to terms with your life as a single person again and how different that looks than the picture you had in your mind. Sometimes that comes wrapped up with a feeling that this person was “The One”, and why didn’t it work, and what’s wrong with you, how could you have F’d this up? Ouch! Be gentle with your heart ❤️ 

Recalibrating your dreams will come with time. Slowly, over the weeks you’ll begin to remember other things that matter to you outside of a relationship. Maybe you’ll see a movie that reawakens your want to explore Egypt 🇪🇬. Maybe you’ll want to teach yoga in Portugal or become a Chef in Italy 🇮🇹. Maybe you’re just going to embark on a quest to make the worlds best chocolate chip cookie. Don’t fret, because this and so much more is coming!) 

Now let’s talk about forgiveness, because I believe no relationship mourning is ever fully complete without a hearty dose. Otherwise the “woulda-shoulda-coulda’s can really get you down. Only YOU will need to know what needs to be forgiven specifically but here are some personal ones: 

-Forgiving yourself for picking this person 

-Forgiving yourself for staying too long 

-Forgiving yourself for not having the tools to build a healthy relationship 

-Forgiving them for being emotionally unavailable 

- Forgiving them for the hurt they caused you 

-Forgiving them for any deception whether intentional or unconscious 

- Forging the universe (God) for giving and then taking away 

Allow yourself to bring these emotions to the surface. I use EFT tapping to help release mine.

( I am still going to start a YouTube channel to have several (hopefully) hundreds of tapping sessions you can use of mine to walk yourself through these emotions. I still have to figure it all out can you believe I’ve never done a YouTube video before? Maybe I should stick with Tik Tok ) 🤣

Deliciously, on the other side of forgiveness is appreciation. Yes, really! Because no matter how this turned out, don’t forget , you chose to be open and vulnerable, even knowing that you might get hurt. You allowed this other person into your world; you let down your defenses. You risked it all! And I know sometimes that may make you feel foolish or stupid but in reality it is such a beautiful thing. Allowing your heart to love rather than to be bitter and full of cynicism should always be celebrated ❤️🎉

The final piece in this phase is getting clarity around all the parts of you that felt unsafe or unwelcome in this relationship. 

Phase 2: Rediscovering Yourself 

Oh baby, this is where we really start to frost the cupcake, bedazzle the fingernail, put the ball in the end zone, (insert whatever metaphor you want here). 

If you’re like many of us, you grew up in a home where there was at least one emotionally immature adult that demanded everyone tip toe around their every whim , tantrums and delusions. As a result, you have learned to prioritize someone else at all costs. To be hyper vigilant and contort yourself to please and dawn over a partner. 🤮 Therefore in relationships you completely lose yourself. You lose your magic in the hopes of feeling safe. Once that partner steps away you are left with a big gap and an even bigger opportunity. 

Look into that gap and you will be able to see the real you rushing in. You’ll remember the wild and bizarre things you used to enjoy. Before you put them “on ice” to please your partner. You’ll be beckoned back to the little joys and simple pleasures that seemed to elude you for so long. 

There is nothing more luscious than falling back in love with yourself. It’s like picking up a book from childhood and finding it immediately gaps open to reveal your favorite childhood passage. The pages smell like nostalgia  and safety. You’re transported. And this is what the journey of rediscovery looks like. Comforting, warm and delightful at the same time. 

Go back to dancing ecstatically in the Clubs, screaming and laughing with your best friends. Go buy season tickets for your favorite sporting events (or for me maybe 3 games each haha). Now is the time to wear what you want and do what you want because there is no one holding you back. 

Buy yourself flowers every week, take a long luxurious rose petal filled bath, take selfies in candy colored lingerie, have three orgasms before breakfast.go learn a new skill. Take a class.  Do what makes you feel good! 

Because there is nothing to fear about the future. View it as the galaxy full of stars 🌟 that wink flirtatiously and translucent mists do endless cartwheels. Or like an endless ocean, salty and deep full of mysteries; nourishing the entire world. 

That is your future. Anything You Want!!! 💫